I’ve called the bee-man, he’s on his way and says to remain calm. I had a very interesting chat with him. These are honey bees apparently, and won’t sting you.

It requires at least 1,100 honey bee stings to be fatal, so you’re probably ok there. These are worker bees and are female, (nature got that one right eh?!), and they live for about 6 weeks. The way I see it is, if the bee man doesn’t turn up, you can wait for 6 weeks, after which they’ll all die and drop off. Or, you can threaten them, in which case they’ll sting you and die as they lose their sting and bits of their insides when they do. Added to which, there are less than 1,100 of the blighters so you won’t die. You might want to stock up on Savlon though.

I don’t want to worry you, but what they’re doing now is ‘balling’, or alternatively known as ‘cuddle death’. Cute eh? They do this to kill an unwanted Queen or intruder. Basically the bees cluster tightly in a ball and vibrate, thus creating heat. Tantamount to being boiled to death.

You always were a bit of a hothead har! Perhaps there’s a new Queen in there and we are witnessing the birth of a new nest, or is it hive? Oooh, you’ll have your own built in supply of honey, and maybe it’ll give you super powers and you’ll be ‘Honey Bee Man!’ You’ll be able to control your workers with your mind and you’ll never get lost as you will be able to communicate with your bees by doing little dances in a circle. You’ll be able to stun ne’er-do-wells by squirting them with a waxy substance secreted from your armpits! Awesome Dude!

Einstein reckoned that if bees disappeared from earth, man would have no more than four years to live. You’re doing your own little bit for ecology and the furtherance of the human race dude! Maybe I’ll cancel the bee man. What do you reckon?